This will be news to some but not others: I'm up at 5:35am during the week, it doesn't matter what time I go to bed. Why, you ask. Because I'm a glutton for punishment, of course. Kidding! The real reason is, I know if I don't workout in the morning, it's not happening and I hate missing a workout but more importantly, it is an important part of my day. It has been the discipline and routine that has supported my efforts to remain on track and focused on this journey. Last week, in one of my strength classes, "Wake Me Up!" by Avicii (2013) played and it was like I heard the lyrics for the first time! Don't worry, this won't be another "ode to music" post but relevant in the context of this posting. The first verse starts with, "Feelin' my way through the darkness, guided by a beatin' heart. I can't tell you where the journey will end, but I know where to start." In the chorus he says, "So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older. All this time I was findin' myself and I didn't know I was lost." If you haven't had this moment in life, yet, when it arrives... when it arrives, you will know.
February 17, 2022, my aunt Meryl called me on my birthday and, I'm not sure what I was doing, but I didn't answer. She left me a voicemail. It would be one of the last voicemails, if not the last, she would leave me. After she passed, I took that voicemail and put it into a Build-A-Bear to hear her tell me happy birthday over and over again - more importantly, to hear the excitement in her voice to tell me happy birthday ... over and over again, in a way only she could.
Today, January 27, 2024, marks the second birthday in which we spend in celebration without her physical presence. This time last year, after receiving notice in the mail that Meryl's Safe Haven was officially recognized as a 501c3 organization, I was thanking my board and those around me for believing in me, allowing me to grieve, and asking them to be patience with me on a journey I couldn't fathom during a time of deep depression that many didn't know I was experiencing until the delivery of this blog posting. This date last year, after opening the organization's business account, I got in my car and drove for hours... alone, to VT to enjoy Ben & Jerry's at their factory and while the ice cream made the drive worth it, it was the tears I left on the road that brought me peace.
Today, as it were a year ago, I know the destination and I'm navigating the road of start-up and finding peace along the way.
Today, I take you back to why I decided to blog in the first place. This, very personal, journey has taught me more about myself, not just start-up, than three degrees ever could. I have learned (in no particular order):
nothing should come at the price of your peace
not everything is worthy of a response
there's value in knowing when to walk away
the importance of patience
to give myself grace
why "no" is a full statement
why "mission drift" is at the foundation of so many lost causes
that meditation can calm my storm
that I, even as an introvert, really do value (healthy) relationships
no one is entitled to my time or energy
there is a cycle of emotional abuse that runs through generations of families under the guise of "respecting elders"
not everyone will be happy with your growth
death is the only end to the opportunity to rebuild bridges (that you want to mend and does not come at the expense of your well-being)
to allow my confidence to catch up to my credentials
"The bravest thing I ever did was rebuild myself when I did not want to live" - John Polo
To the person (or people) afraid to take that first step towards start-up, know, it won't be easy and people may not understand your calling but also know there is a reason they weren't invited to the Zoom call when you received it; one step at a time is all it takes. Whatever your reason is, trust that it will carry you where you need to be.
In true birthday celebration fashion, I'm asking you to consider joining me for ice cream at Ben & Jerry's ... in Marlborough, not VT. We'll call it a double scooper as we celebrate her birthday and the creation of Meryl's Safe Haven.